Miss Walking, Talking Fashion Disaster
by SomethingIntheNothing
Summary: Straight girl Anna accidentally finds herself in a lesbian cafe called the "Clam", and meets a strange girl with an affection for mismatched clothing, a seductive personality, and an ego larger than her head claiming she could be "the One." Warning: Very temporary verbal abuse, future smut. Elsanna, ElsaAnna (Not Incest)
1. Chapter 1

Anna turned almost violently when she felt the squeeze on her shoulder. She relaxed when she saw it wasn't him...why would it be him? Her shoulders slumped slightly in a mixture of exhaustion and relief, worry written across her freckled face. Instead of her boyfriend it was a cute waitress with thick rimmed black glasses and a pretty perfect smile.

"M'aam," she said in a teasing, playful voice, "I've been trying to get your attention for a minute now…are you going to order something?" The auburn-haired girl was horrified, a blush spreading across her cheeks and neck like a wildfire. She tapped her manicured nails on the table in front of her nervously.

"Sorry. Yes, please," Anna replied quietly, her gentle teal blue eyes downcast. She felt her phone vibrate in her shorts and exhaled heavily. Her eyes squeezed shut. Her expression made it seem as if she was in pain. "Sorry, one second please." The ginger waitress giggled and nodded, humming softly as she looked around. As Anna glanced at her phone she shook her head.

_How dare you leave my house like that, storming off like you own the place. Get your ass back home. Now...I mean it Anna. _She looked back up to see an expression of pity and curiosity. She furrowed her brows and the waitress looked only slightly guilty that she had peeped at Anna's iPhone screen. She looked much less playful now.

"Are you okay," she asked seriously, and Anna looked at the table. She felt a mixture of embarrassment and longing. Embarrassment because some random stranger had seen her broken relationship with her boyfriend. Longing because more than anything she wished she could seek comfort in this stranger. She could never put anyone through that…she was being dramatic. "Want some apple cider? It's the best thing to drink to cheer you up…not to mention how cold it is outside." As she spoke there was the light tinkling of the bells hung over the café entrance.

"Sure, thank you I'd love that." She exhaled as the girl slipped away. Anna couldn't help the smile that spread her lips as the bells on the girl's elf outfit jingled. This café was cute, she was glad she had come here finally. She drove past in every day on her way to work, and had kept telling herself she'd have to go there someday. Of course, she was always at home, parties, or other places with Hans so she never had the time to!

It was delightfully warm and cozy, sweet smelling candles burning lightly in various locations. Mistletoe hung from the ceiling, and Anna was delighted to see a young couple kissing under it while laughing. There were lights strewn up as well. It was thick with cheer, and quite crowded. She ignored her phone this time as her eyes locked onto something she hadn't noticed before. A woman. Tall and thin with striking ice blue eyes, sitting a few tables away from her with a guitar case on the table next to her… staring directly at Anna?

The girl's hair was almost white it was so blond and her skin was like snow...The girl was completely mismatched, wearing a strange pair of horizontal striped blue and green pants and a plain white shirt with a thick purple trench coat over it. The sight of her made Anna shiver with dread. Those clothes…did _not _go together. There were even patches in the trench coat. She didn't even know purple trench coats existed! What a disaster...Those sickly red shoes had to _go and soon. _Was the woman homeless…and why did she wink at Anna like that? The ginger girl blushed and turned her eyes away.

Why was Anna so embarrassed? It was just some weirdo lesbian or even just a stranger who thought they were funny or cute! _Definitely cute. What…what am I thinking?! _She tapped her nails on the table again, whistling softly. She looked at the text to distract herself and to pretend her cheeks were hot because of the strange woman's laser gaze. She frowned. _ I was worried about you last night it's the only reason I yelled like that, I swear. Please come home. I love you baby girl._

She was about to type in a response, that she had told him she was visiting her parents and she was twenty-one years old and didn't need him to take care of her, when she noticed the figure behind her, peeking over her shoulder. She whirled. It was the waitress again, bobbing her head back and forth lightly. "He's not worth your time. He's trying to make you feel like the person in the wrong, that he's a victim." Anna stared at the girl with a frown. "Trust me alright? I swear, all men are like that…"She shook her head, "it's why women are better."

At that Anna blushed. "I wouldn't know about that. Hans and I have dated since we were eighteen. I love him. I don't think I could ever be like _that _ with a girl."

The waitress seemed troubled and plopped down across from Anna, setting the cup down. "We're all gay here, you realize that right?" Anna nodded at her words, she had noted that a lot of the girls clad in elf suits were very touchy feely with each other with their lingering hands and cheek kisses. And the couple she had seen kissing had been two girls as well.

"I'm not gay, but I don't mind gays," she shrugged, not really seeing why it mattered. "If all the waitress' are-"

"It's a lesbian café," the waitress frowned, "It's called the Clam for a reason." Anna eyes widened, and an expression of horror crossed her face. "Oh honey," she burst into laughter. "I thought maybe you were bisexual but damn, cutie, you walked into a place meant for no straights."

She covered her face in embarassment. "How…how was I supposed to know it was!?"

"It says so outside…" the elf waitress burst into laughter, "you're adorable sweetie. How about this, you can stay and I'll keep your secret safe." The girl put a finger to her lips. Anna struggled to nod, still overwhelmed by the fact that she had been so damn oblivious…and still unnerved by the fact that that woman was staring so intensely. "Alright well I have to go speak to someone so I'll be back later to check on you, and do not answer that text love." She practically hopped up, bouncing across the room. Anna watched her, surprised when she slid into the strange fashion-disaster-walking's lap, cuddling into her. "Elsa baby why didn't you tell me you arrived we've needed some entertainment!"

"I just got back from outta town. The band broke up, sadly. So I suppose," The fashion disaster pressed her fingers under the waitress' chin, and pulled her face close. Anna felt a sudden rush of jealousy. Hadn't she just been looking at Anna with those hungry eyes? She watched them kiss, before she looked away. Then she heard the cry of _"Gimme some service like that baby," _and even she couldn't stop the laughter from spilling out of her, despite the sudden unexplainable, _obnoxious, and irrational_, jealousy. When she looked back the waitress was walking back behind the counter.

"Guys, guess whose in town again," the waitress called happily, and there was clamoring behind the counters. Anna watched with dismay as multiple girls peeked their heads out of the kitchen. One of them looked particularly unhappy.

"Ariel, you _did _ not just kiss her did you? Because I call dibs. I did date her first." This waitress seemed far more unfriendly, with jet black hair. Anna had seen her walking around and shooting out attitude and curses. She was breathtakingly beautiful. It took a few seconds for her words to process, then Anna blinked. _Wait, what?_

"Actually Meg," the fashion disaster grinned playfully, her eyes twinkling, "I dated Aurora first~then I dated you, then Ariel, then Snowe, then-"

"Ha," Ariel burst into victorious laughter, stopping Elsa's boasting in it's tracks "plus, she told me she loved me most," her cerulean eyes twinkled. Anna watched them talk with a strange fascination. The other women in the café did as well, smirks on their faces. She wondered why the girls were all so fine with the fact that they had all seemingly dated Miss Mismatched.

"I told all of you that," The blonde smirked, seeming proud of herself and nodding. Ariel smacked her shoulder, before she shimmied towards a table and talked while giggling to the people at it. Elsa spoke to the waitress "Meg," who looked painfully aroused to even be standing near the woman. _This place is so weird. But I think I like it here. _She smiled, drank her cider, and didn't even think about the texts she was sure would be waiting for her. From what she heard, the woman apparently had had a taste of all of the cutie waitress' and there were about a dozen of them. "Them" being a group of college friends who had decided to start a lezzy cafe and were able to with their hoards of cash. Some weren't there that day, such as the aforementioned girl "Aurora" and a girl named Merida. She smiled widely even as she thought about how weird they freaking were.

"How you doing baby," Ariel asked her as she sat down again, she was eyeing the mismatched girl with longing.

"I'm good, the cider is delicious," she smiled, moving her own eyes to the girl.

"You should try females. Just test the waters outside your boyfriend…_and_," The woman across from her grinned, "maybe you're "The One." " At this a frown crossed Anna's face, she pushed the sleeves of her sweater up with a short laugh. She dismissed the suggestion as well.

"The One?"

"A myth probably," Ariel giggled, "for one week Elsa, that beautiful batch of sexiness over there has her way with you. If you're the one she keeps you, Your One is pretttty much a synonym for true love."

Anna was horrified at the idea of such a thing. "What the hell kind of thing is that? Why would I want that?" She shook her head. "That's a little arrogant of her to think she's attractiv-"

"Are you telling me you don't think she's hot, look at her," as she spoke she pushed her cheek into Anna's, and Anna giggled and did as told while slightly shaking her head. She looked at the fashion disaster. "Just…look. Forget about boys. Forget about girls. Forget about _everything_." Ariel's words were playful and soft but Anna did her best to do as told. She pushed everything out of her head except for that girl. No Hans, no boys...no...She suddenly noticed every aspect of this weirdo. The sharp planes of her face, the kissable lips, the delicious way her ridiculous clothing clung to her. _What in the…_Ariel pulled away from her, sighing wistfully. "I suppose a hetero like you could never understand.'

"I sadly, was not the one, even thought we've been friends since childhood! Isn't that horrible!?" Anna struggled to put her attention back on Ariel. When she did the girl was pouting. She was babbling on and on, adjusting the glasses on her face. "I just…I can't take it, I mean…childhood friends _always _end up together! It's just common sense! For example, Kim Possible, Ron and Kim, they def def were meant for each other."

"That's a cartoon," Anna giggled, shaking her head.

"Ugh, whatevs, I knew you wouldn't understand. Well how about this, we were roommates too, in _college. _What are the chances of us landing in the same room? Huh, deny that," Ariel grinned, "it was fate."

"It was your father, the owner of said college, putting us in the same room together despite the fact that I begged him not to," a familiar, husky voice purred from behind her. And Anna blushed at her presence. She plopped down on the table, taking a sip of Anna's cider with a grin. Strapped to her chest was a beautifully made guitar. "Hi," she said to Anna. Anna blushed.

"I'm straight."

"You're not straight," Elsa raised a slim brow, "you're Elsasexual." Ariel nodded wildly across from her. Elsa tossed Anna a sexy little side-grin, her mouth crooked. "Everyone's Elsasexual."

"Elsasexual, definitely," Anna said while rolling her eyes. "Nice to meet you by the way." The blonde frowned.

"Is it the pants? Trust me you'll get used to them. Plus, we won't even be in pants much" Anna couldn't believe someone could be this ridiculously over confident. Elsasexual? She had invented a sexuality involving herself! What a strange girl and god she needed new clothing!

"She's got a bad case of hetero, doesn't she, get this Elsa…Elsa…she thinks she loves her highschool boyfriend still! Thay they're "true love"" Ariel burst into an adorable snort giggle, made annoying by the fact that she was making fun of Anna. Elsa raised a hand, and Ariel struggled to stop laughing and Anna raised a brow as the girl slid her hand down to her guitar, blue eyes on Anna the entire time. She took a pick from her pocket, waggled her eyebrows and began to play her instrument…and sing.

"_You've got a bad case of the hetero. I'm begging you right now to just gimme a go, you're a little bit confused, but if you try you'll surely know, you're Elsasexual." _Anna burst into hysterical laughter at the same time as Ariel.

"My god that was horrific Elsa! What the hell, where did all that talent go?" Elsa frowned in the most adorable way and Anna couldn't help but giggle some more. Ariel was wiping tears from her eyes as she spoke, her cheeks flushed with delight. The freckled girl took a sip of her cider.

"Hey, I came up with that real quick, I think it was pretty decent for a spontaneous song!" She growled playfully, "Anna it was good right?"

"You're voice was gorgeous, and you're incredible with your guitar but I'm not Elsasexual," she shook her head at the ridiculousness. "Even if I was gay, I wouldn't touch you. Why would I _willlingly _put my heart at risk to go a week dating you just to see if we'd end up together?! It literally makes no-"

"True motherfucking love," a voice boomed, and hands slammed down on the table. Meg glared at her. "Look at her, look at her, why would you not try to see if she'd fall in love with you, which she wouldn't but isn't it worth it. And _why _is a heterosexual in our café!?" She frowned and crossed her arms.

Elsa wasn't paying attention, she was moving her hand around in her bag, when she found a case she smiled victoriously. It was smooth and black and relatively small. She slowly opened it, while the three girl's watched with cocked heads. Her expression was grim. "You leave me no choice…but to use this." She pulled out a tiny little plant and Anna didn't know whether or now the girl was being serious. She half-laughed half-frowned. She hung the mistletoe over them.

"Kiss me," she grinned. Anna shook her head, and turned away. "Think of it as my Christmas present to you." Anna laughed again, _Oh my god this girl._

"I've had enough fun for today," she laughed softly, then grabbed her phone. "I'll see you later." She pulled on her winter hat, and Elsa was pouting ridiculously. She set her money down on the table. "Thank you Ariel, Meg."

"Aww man, are you seriously not going to try me," Elsa pouted. Anna just kept walking, "I'll be here tomorrow. You better be here, we should talk." Anna said nothing again, before she turned and waved. She burst into laughter again. _They're all so fucking weird! _Elsa was stroking a santa beard she had attached to her face. "Don't go baby, come sit on my lap! I'm Santa, you have to."Anna smiled again.

"I'll pass, I'm going to see my boyfriend" she said with a raised brow, "goodbye."

"Bye," Ariel waved wildly, and Meg just shrugged. Anna didn't think she'd ever been around such friendly people. Even if they did try to force Elsa onto her. She was so used to the disgusting stifling people Hans hung around, the formal parties that smelled like really gross perfume. The sweet scents here were so refreshing!

"You're Elsasexual," Elsa cried out as she shut the café door, the bell jingling Anna just giggled, putting her hands in her pockets. She frowned when her hand pressed to something, she pulled out a piece of paper, and glanced at it.

_You're Elsasexual admit it ;)_

_Love, Ariel Ps. My number is on the flipside. Pss. Perhaps you're not Elsasexual. Perhaps you're Arielsexual. If that's the case. I can def help you out. Lol_

_xoxo_

Anna smiled, pocketing the paper. She frowned when she realized what awaited her at home. If she could even call it her home.


	2. Chapter 2

"Anna Anna Anna! Where have you been you little whore?" The redheaded woman couldn't suppress a smile as her fellow redhead embraced her. Ariel's perfume filled her nose, and she hugged Anna harder. The Christmas decorations were still up even though it was a week after Christmas. Ariel still wore a revealing little elf outfit, the green material clinging desperately to her curves. And what curves they were. Anna was almost envious. She gave a sigh of relief at finally being able to breathe as the waitress released her, her teeth practically shining as she grinned widely, adjusting her thick framed glasses that seemed to enhance her shockingly bright sea blue eyes.

Anna blushed before she answered, "Hans and I went on vacation." Ariel's face twisted into a frown and she shook her head disapprovingly.

"He's trying to keep your mind off the fact that he was a huge dick to you. Why didn't you text me? I was worried we scared you away," Ariel pouted, before dragging the auburn haired woman to a chair, not waiting for an answer. She yelled out to Meg, who was glaring out at her to make an apple cider, which was brought out a moment later.

"There," she muttered, clearly annoyed. Hatred practically radiated off of her. Anna wondered if it was because the interest that Elsa had shown her on Christmas Eve, or because she was heterosexual. Either way she thought the woman's obvious repulsion was a bit over the top.

"Hope there's not spit in it," Anna muttered to herself as the woman walked away, hips swinging. If Anna wasn't straight she was sure she would've been interested in the girls firm ass. Ariel waved her hand dismissively at the idea.

"Meg is a hygiene freak, I think the idea of spit mixing with a beverage would make her have a seizure." Ariel smiled, plump lips shining with gloss, bright eyes locking on hers as she leaned down on the table. "Now. Why didn't you say hi to me!? I missed you!" Anna bit her lip and looked away. She didn't want to explain to her new friend that her boyfriend had thrown it against the wall in a sudden rush of rage. Especially when she was already disapproving of Hans. Honestly though, Hans was a nice guy! He just got...mad, sometimes. She rubbed the back of her head and smiled weakly.

"I fell down the stairs."

Ariel stared. She ran her eyes up and down the girls face, calculating. Then she hesitated, cocked her head a bit, and spoke: "You...fell down the stairs?"

"I did," Anna nodded, clutching her mug of cider before she sipped it slowly. She felt her face grow hot under Ariel's gaze and then decided to focus her attention elsewhere. She was pleased to find that even when it wasn't Christmas the cafe still gave off a warm, delightfully merry feel. The lights were brilliant strewn across the room. Had they added some? A few seconds passed, chugging by slowly.

"You...fell...down the stairs?"

Anna rolled her eyes, "Yes yes, I fell down the stairs."

Ariel nodded. "Mhmm. So you fell down the stairs?

"For fuck's sake yes, I fell down the stairs! What do you want from me?"

"You fell down the stairs."

"Y-"

"You fell down the stairs."

"YES!"

"Not your phone, you?" Ariel questioned slowly. Anna blinked, then blushed as she realized how dumb her excuse was. She looked away.

"Well, it was in my hand," she mumbled slowly. "And when I hit the bottom it fell out of my hand and hit the floor."

"I see," Ariel said slowly, then she shook her head. "Whatever you say." There was a familiar jingle of bells. Anna groaned with dismay as a couple strolled in. The fashion disaster...this time wearing a plaid leather jacket (plaid leather!? where did she even get these clothes?!)and a pair of tight pinstripe skinny jeans. Her feet were clad in huge worn out rubber boots and she had this annoying yellow fedora. She was smirking, talking quietly, holding a woman tightly around the waist. Anna felt a tug in her chest and rolled her eyes. Of course she had interest in another girl already. Elsa was clearly that type of person. Even so, Anna felt this disgusting, horrid sense of jealousy. Why was she even...Anna blinked when she noticed the attire of the woman on her arm. The golden haired girl was clad in an elf costume? Oh god, not another floozy...

Elsa froze when she saw her. Her face was expressionless. Her sharp, piercing blue eyes slid up and down her frame and Anna suddenly realized how cold she was wearing this pencil skirt from work... despite the tights. She coughed awkwardly, her face burning at the enraptured look on the walking talking disaster's face. Then, Elsa winked one pretty blue eye, did some dumb flippy trick with her fedora, pressed it to her chest, and bowed. "Anna, my sweet, I knew you would return to me."

Anna straightened and tried to gain her composure, forcing her blush back. "I came back for the cider."

Elsa smirked. An annoying, stupid little smirk where only one side of her dumb, plump mouth curled up. "Of course you did." She wore the same knowing, annoying face that Ariel did when she told her she fell down the stairs. But Anna was being honest here, she didn't come for Elsa...but she...she blushed at her thoughts, she wouldn't deny that she had hoped to maybe catch just a little glance of Elsa.

"Who is this, Elsa," the blonde that Elsa had abandoned asked snappily, her eyes narrowed to the point where they almost looked closed. Her voice was cold and calm.

"This is my girlfriend, Anna," Elsa said warmly. Annas jaw dropped. Did she just say what Anna thought she said!? "Baby," Elsa took her hand and winked, "this is Cinderella."

Cinderella sniffed, looking down at Anna. "I see. Another of your conquests then..."

"Conquests," Elsa said slowly, and her entire face lit up. "That sounds so fucking radical." Then she flipped her fedora backed onto her head, shot a smile at Anna, and took a seat at the same table as her.

"Nice to meet you, Cinderella," Anna said softly, and she offered the girl her hand. "And don't worry, I'm not actually interested in what Elsa has to er, offer me." Elsa winced. Cinderella sniffed again, as if she smelled something bad, and slowly took Annas side. The expression on her face made it seem like holding Annas hand was hurting her. Then her chilly, calculating blue eyes slowly swept down her like her eyes were some kind of scanner. Her lips twitched as if she was going to smile and she looked Anna dead in the eyes, smirking very slightly.

"Oh I'm not...worried." she checked Anna out again. Then she swept a hand briefly down her chest, practically gesturing at the full pair of breasts she had, and walked away.

"Oooooooh," Ariel giggled wickedly, "Cinderella strikes again." Anna just sat there, mouth hanging open again. What was with these people? Ariel was snickering lightly, as if she found what Cinderella said funny. She covered her chest in sudden embarrassment. Were they...that small?

Elsa leaned her face into her hand, elbow on the small, circular table. "Now babe, don't get dispirited. What Cinderella doesn't know is I actually prefer tiny breasts." Anna nearly smiled, then Ariel snorted.

Anna's face turned scarlet, her eyes blazing with annoyance. "To be quite honest, I don't really care," she snapped, and Elsa gave another stupid little wink and touched her hand. Anna jerked away, suddenly very angry and feeling very dumb. How many people had Elsa used lines like that on? "I actually prefer glasses on girls" or "i actually love freckles on a girl." She probably said stupid lines like that to everyone. Anna grit her teeth. Why had...her heart leapt in her chest when Elsa stared at her and said that dumb, perverted stuff?

"Also I have a...thing for gingers," Elsa said so quietly, only Anna heard. She flushed, and rolled her eyes again. Then she coughed.

"Ever been to Florida, Ariel," She asked, trying to get her attention away from the smirking blonde. Both of them. Cinderella was glaring at her, stupid imperious smile on her face from behind the counter.

"Yep! I go there with my pa almost every year," she smiled warmly, "I love it there."

"Same, Hans just got a raise. A huge one. So we might start taking trips there a lot more, maybe getting a vacation home of some kind?" She shrugged in embarrassment.

Elsa deflated, her lips turning to a pout, burying her face more in her hand "Hans is a dumb prick," she muttered, voice soft and singsongy, but muffled a bit, "and he probably has a two inch dick. If he was here, I'd give it a kick. How dare he even look at my chick?"

Anna couldn't stop herself from bursting into laughter. She pictured her fiance, standing there, listening to what Elsa sang. And she couldn't help but laugh because he did have a two incher! "That was awesome, Els, although...very rude," she muttered, then grinned. She couldn't find it in herself to be annoyed with the rude comments, and declaration of ownsership, in her not so creative lyrics."You have one of the most beautiful voices i've ever heard when you're not singing about being elsasexual."

The fashion disaster seemed to light up at the fact that she amused Anna, and for a moment she changed entirely. She shifted back in her wooden chair, pushed her hat down a bit so there was a shadow over her face, and let out a tiny, odd little laugh. And did Anna see a blush? And Elsas eyes had turned downcast, smiling pleasantly. "Thanks," she said softly, "I don't hear that often."

There was a quiet, warm little moment. Ariel was eyeing both of them suspiciously. Then she crossed her arms, and glanced at the fashion disaster, who seemed to have recovered and was grinning broadly at Anna now. "So did you think about my offer, Elsa?"

Elsa "hmmed" and gave her a lazy glance, then grinned slowly. "I thought about it alright, and I'm going to have to decline. Don't think all the ladies," she winked in Cinderella and Megs direction (who were staring mutionously at Anna) and the pair blushed and averted their gazes, "could handle all this," she gestured down at her body, "all day, every day."

For once Ariel didn't smile. "Your band isn't coming back, Elsa."

The smile stayed on the blondes face but her eyes turned into twin blizzards. She spoke slowly, her voice so cold it sent a shiver down Annas spine. "And you know that how," she asked quietly, her slim white-blond brows lowering until she looked much less friendly.

"I don't know, cause you fucked Kristoff's girlfriend?" And Elsa wasn't even trying to hold back her anger now.

"She came on to me," She hissed, eyes flashing. The two glared at each other. "No way am I wasting my fucking time singing stupid little tunes at this stupid, tiny fucking cafe, ok? I have a career ahead of me..." she stared at the floor as if she realized what she'd said. "I...didn't mean to," she said softly, weakly, staring at Anna as if pleading for forgiveness from her. Then she turned on and walked out.

Ariel stared after her, shook her head, and smiled weakly at Anna. "Enjoy your cider. It's on the house."

The redhead stood up, and gave her a wave. "Maybe some other time," she called, and raced out the entrance of the cafe. Just ahead of her, Elsa was walking with her hands in her was kicking at the snow slick pavement occasionally, splashing the wet mush in the air. "Elsa," Anna called, running down the pavement. Her stomach flipped, as Elsa turned and, her foot did this weird thing and suddenly she had fallen like an idiot right into Elsa.

The Walking Disaster slowly, ever so slowly, smiled. "You fell for me, did you?" She winked.

"I want to hear you sing," Anna said slowly... "want to go somewhere w...where you can?"

"Our first date," Elsa asked pleasantly, and her face was glowing. Anna rolled her eyes. "Sounds like fun," She smirked, and straightened Anna for her. "Let's go then."

O,O so yeah, review? Maybe? I'm testing the waters with this fic again...


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